


Scrambled Eggs

by Anonymous



Series: What's on the Menu? (Egg Fics) [5]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Eggs, First Time, M/M, Masturbation, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Masturbation, Oviposition, Sex Toys, Smut, Webcam/Video Chat Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:42:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29028894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: @Ph1LzA: Eggs are yummy I don’t know what the fuss is about ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Relationships: Technoblade/Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: What's on the Menu? (Egg Fics) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028035
Comments: 61
Kudos: 399
Collections: Anonymous





	Scrambled Eggs

**Author's Note:**

> you're reading this ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Honestly, Phil knew this was on him.

Searching for  _ anything  _ online ran the risk of bringing up questionable results, he could’ve just messaged someone on the server to ask about the egg lore. But, of course,  _ he googled it,  _ and from there it took almost an impressively low number of clicks to reach the less than safe for work material. He didn’t know why he kept clicking after that, or why he was pulling his credit card from his pocket, but he did. 

After a few minutes he owed $100 to his credit card company, and a  _ lot  _ of time to himself for personal reflection.

That time came in the form of several weeks while the products he’d purchased were made and shipped internationally, though he’d put off thinking about what he’d done for so long that it wasn’t until after he’d signed for the package and closed the door that he remembered what was inside of it. He stood in the hallways of his home, his toes stretching in his cotton socks and rubbing against the floor as he thought. On the one hand he could send it back and get a refund (maybe, he wasn’t sure if this was the kind of product you could be refunded for…), but on the other he found himself curious. As curious as he had been when he’d bought it, his stomach twisting into knots with excitement the same way as it had that afternoon. He couldn’t just  _ give  _ that feeling away. 

But he couldn’t deal with it alone, either.

He headed to his office, glanced at the list of online friends on discord, and sighed when his eyes settled on one.

God, he  _ knew  _ he shouldn’t, but who else could he message like this out of the blue and not be ridiculed for? He began to type, deciding to just be blunt about the situation he was in rather than beat around the bush with it. At least it meant if the man didn’t want to get involved, he could just ignore the message entirely.

_ Ph1LzA: Know anything about oviposition? _

_ Technoblade: Good morning to you too. _

Phil chuckled to himself. The man was still typing, so he was at least prepared to engage in the conversation. That was a good sign.

A good sign for what, Phil wasn’t sure if he wanted to deal with the answer to that just yet. It was just a good sign.

_ Technoblade: What do you need to know? I have a vast wealth of knowledge in a plethora of different subjects, if you’d like me to disperse that intellect you’ll have to be more precise.  _

Phil rolled his eyes. 

_ Ph1LzA: Don’t be so patronizing, I just wanted to ask about eggs going up arseholes, but if you’re gonna be a dick about it… _

_ Technoblade: Wait _

_ Technoblade: I have… Knowledge… _

_ Technoblade: Information _

_ Technoblade: On how eggs go up “arseholes” _

And so began a prolonged conversation that Phil really hadn’t anticipated getting into, but if any of his friends was going to respond in such a helpful and non-judgemental manner he was unsurprised that it was Technoblade. It turned out that he wasn’t the only one that had been curious online, and after a short while (and one video call) Phil was putting a tray full of egg moulds into the fridge to set. He promised to call Technoblade again the next evening when they were set, and he’d been assured that it was purely educational. Technoblade was just a friend helping his friend out - and he’d assured Phil he didn’t mind. 

Phil just hoped after they spoke the next day, there wouldn’t be anything  _ different  _ between them.

# # #

“Hello.”

“Hey, Techno.” Phil said, swallowing as he looked into the camera. He tried not to look on his desk - at the toy, the eggs, and the lube - and he tried not to think about what he was doing. If he thought about it, he might be too embarrassed to go on.

Technoblade seemed to be in his usual demeanour. Phil could see the casual shirt, the glasses resting on his nose, and the slightly scruffy hair. This wasn’t a big deal for him, so he should be fine with it too.

“So, how much of a crash course do you need for this? Something specific or--”   
  


“Everything.” Phil said, cheeks turning a light shade of pink. “I’ve never… Y’know…”

“You can say it, Phil.” Technoblade chuckled softly. “If you can’t  _ say  _ you’ve never fingered your ass, then you’re going to struggle to do it with me watching.”

He let out a sigh, his shoulders fell, and Phil mustered up the courage to do as Technoblade instructed. He was his friend and, right now, his teacher. He knew what he was doing.

“I’ve never had  _ anything  _ in my ass. No finger, no tongue, no foreign object, nothing. This is my first time.”

“And I’m here to witness, I’m  _ honoured.”  _ Technoblade said, and Phil blushed harder. Hearing a close friend say that shouldn’t be making him so hot under the collar, but he blamed the circumstance rather than the person. Before he could open his mouth to say anything else, Technoblade continued.

“Take off your pants, cover your index finger with lube. We’ll start from the beginning.”

Phil nodded. Finally forcing himself to look at the array of items in front of him he popped the lid off the bottle of lubricant and coated his finger in a generous amount. Sure, it was one finger, but he didn’t know what to expect. His pants were already off - he hadn’t bothered wearing any when he’d sat at his desk, knowing what he was getting himself into - and when he was ready he looked back at the screen.

“Take that finger and just tease yourself a little. You don’t need to push your finger inside just yet, or if you do it can just be the tip so you get used to it.” 

Technoblade’s voice was calming as he was given instructions to follow, and Phil found it easy to do as he was told. He shifted on his chair so he sat a little further forward and tried to reach around behind him, only stopping when Technoblade shook his head.

“It’s easier another way. Do you want me to show you, or just explain?”

Phil blinked twice, this throat seizing up and his mouth almost immediately feeling dry.

“Sh-show.” He managed to stammer out, and Technoblade wasted no time in moving in his seat. Rather than lean forward he slouched down, leaned back, and brought his feet up onto his desk. The arches of his feet pressed against the corners and from that position he smiled into the camera.

“See.” Technoblade said, bringing a hand between his legs to prove his point, and Phil found himself cursing that the man wore sweatpants. Still, they didn’t leave  _ that much  _ to the imagination. “Much easier.” 

Phil nodded, copying what Technoblade had done, though when his hand moved between his legs he could feel his arm brushing against his cock. A shiver ran down his spine at the accidental touch, though that was nothing compared to the feeling of his finger pressing against his asshole. The lube, while slick, was cold, and he felt himself tightening up in response to it.

“Slowly does it.” Technoblade instructed. “Once you get used to the temperature, start moving your finger around in circles, dip the tip inside you a couple of times. You want to build up to penetration.”

The way that Technoblade spoke made Phil’s cock twitch, so he closed his eyes to focus on the sensation of his finger pressing just a little inside of him rather than on his friend. He moved the digit in slow circles once, twice, and three times before pushing the very tip of his finger in, and he found that the stretch didn’t hurt anywhere near as much as he’d been anticipating it to.

He must have made a noise of some kind, because he heard Technoblade chuckling quietly to himself.

“That’s it.” He coaxed. “Would it help if I spoke to you in a more-”

“Yes.” Phil cut him off immediately, his inhibitions leaving him as he slowly pushed his finger down to the first knuckle. For a moment, there was no reply, and Phil  _ almost  _ considered opening his eyes and breaking his immersion when Technoblade finally began to speak again.

“Good, you’re doing  _ such  _ a good job Phil.” He whispered, his voice an octave lower, and the man sank further into his chair. There was no denying the way that the blood in his body was rushing to his cock  _ because  _ of Technoblade anymore, but the younger didn’t seem phased if he could tell. “Push a little bit further. For me?” He asked, and Phil complied. The feeling of his finger moving deeper inside of him stirred something deep in his stomach, and he felt compelled to move his finger in a  _ come hither  _ motion.

When he did, he couldn’t help the moan that tumbled from his lips. His toes curled up and his cock - already standing upright - began to throb with need. 

“Fuck--” He whispered, his free hand clenching into a fist at his side.

“Start thrusting.” Technoblade instructed. “Your body needs to get used to the movement otherwise that toy - and the eggs - are  _ never  _ going in. When you feel ready, lube up another finger and push that in too. Go at your own pace. I’m here.”

Phil continued to follow orders, though after the feeling of his finger pressing against his prostate once it was difficult to not just continue to chase that pleasure. The movements of his finger inside of him was slow at first, the friction and stretch a little uncomfortable, but it wasn’t long before the movement became easy and his hips were bucking forward for more. For now, he was in control, and he coated his middle finger with another squeeze of lube before pushing it inside.

He’d gotten confident and cocky, and while he’d pushed in quickly he hadn’t anticipated just  _ how much  _ more of a stretch there was going to be. Phil took in a sharp breath, his body lifting away from the chair as he felt a sting.

“Shit,  _ Techno--”  _ He muttered, his eyes squeezing tightly shut as he winced.

“Slow down, don’t move for a moment.” Came a reassuring tone, and he nodded. “You’re getting too eager, you need to go slowly so you don’t hurt yourself. We can always try again tomorrow, if you want.”

_ We.  _ That word shouldn’t have made Phil as happy as it did - Technoblade was his friend, and younger than him - but he’d be damned if he was going to think about that now. He’d deal with the repercussions of these thoughts later. 

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I just need a minute.” He panted, the pain slowly beginning to fade away as his fingers wiggled around inside of him. “S-say more, please?” He asked, and he could hear Technoblade’s chair creaking.

“You’re begging already?” The younger asked. “I suppose if you’re  _ that desperate.  _ It’s your first time, after all. I can be cruel another day.” He chuckled. “You look beautiful like this, Phil. Squirming around under my command, what more could I ask for?” Phil let out a quiet moan, but his microphoned still picked it up and Technoblade still heard him. “When you start moving your fingers again I want you to grab your cock with your other hand. I want you to move your hands and fingers at the same pace, understand?”

“Uh-huh.” Phil nodded quickly, his free hand moving to reach his length and wrapping around it with ease. This was something he knew plenty about, something he had plenty of experience with, and as the stretch of his ass finally began to feel comfortable again he began to slowly move.

It was harder to coordinate than he’d expected. The wrist of his left hand was beginning to ache and he had to move his right hand slower than usual to match the movement of his fingers inside of him. After his hand reached the head of his cock, Phil let his thumb swipe across the tip of his already sensitive dick to smear his precum over himself. Moving his hand back down, he pulled his foreskin back and he let out a sigh when the pads of his fingers brushed against his prostate. Phil found that the addition of something penetrating him had him racing toward climax, and he moved even slower to let that sensation last as long as possible.

“Do you want to know what I’d do if I were there?” Technoblade asked, and Phil hummed in agreement. He didn’t trust himself to form words right now.

“I’d keep you in exactly the position you’re in now, except I’d crawl underneath your desk and replace the hand around your cock with my mouth. You have no idea  _ how much  _ I want your cock in my mouth, Phil. I wouldn’t go fast, I’d want to make this last as long as possible. I’d lap up every drop of pre-cum you had to offer me and I’d make sure you watched. I’d take you in, all of you, no matter how much that would choke me. I’d move my head up and down your length, run my tongue over every vein, bury my nose against your pelvis and hold myself there as you cum. I’d drink down as much as you had to give me, Phil, and when you’d recovered I’d do it all over again.”

Phil  _ really  _ hadn’t needed to picture all that, and combining it with the already growing heat in his stomach and the slow movement of his hand along his length he let out a sob. 

“Can I go faster?” He begged. _ “Please,  _ Techno, I need to cum!”

“Put a third finger inside yourself.” Technoblade told him. “I want you to be  _ full  _ when you cum, I want you to know how good it feels.”

Not bothering to reach for more lube - knowing that it would only mean removing one of his hands from where they were giving him pleasure - Phil pressed a third digit inside him. It burned more than the first did, but less than the second, and he let out a loud moan. As his head fell back and curses began to flow freely from his lips, his right hand moved faster against his cock. He tugged himself as hard as he dared, chasing after the familiar high until finally,  _ finally,  _ he felt something inside of him explode and he saw stars.

“Fuck, Technoblade!” He yelled out, feeling his cock throbbing beneath his hand as he worked himself through his orgasm. It was so much more intense than the usual sensation - his ass was clenching tightly around his three fingers and waves of pleasure flew through him each time they brushed against his prostate. His hips thrust upward, cum landed on his chest, and his breathing quickened. 

Eventually, when the feeling of euphoria began to fade away, his fingers slipped out of his ass and his hands fell to his side. His entire body sagged with exhaustion as he opened his eyes and looked at Technoblade on his screen.

The smile on his face was wide, but his eyes were hungry.

“Are you ready?” Technoblade asked, and Phil found that he needed a moment for his mind to catch up with him and remember what it was Technoblade was referring to.

“You don’t have to.” Technoblade quickly added. “If it’s too much--”   
  


“I’m ready.” Phil said, still breathless but pushing himself back upright in his chair. This was what he’d wanted, and he wasn’t about to forget about that just because he’d already cum once.

Besides, cumming twice in one night with Technoblade watching sounded like heaven. Before Technoblade had a chance to say anything else, Phil was reaching for the toy and holding it up to the camera. He didn’t miss the way that Technoblade’s eyes widened, and he found himself smirking.

“Phil--”

“It’s not as big as it looks.” He said. “And it’s softer than you’d think. The pointy bits aren’t actually  _ pointy.”  _

Technoblade nodded, smiling contentedly at that.

“If you’re sure, it’s going to be  _ beautiful  _ to watch you cum as you ride that.” He said. “You need to put the eggs inside first, then put on as much lube as you can. It’s an odd shape, you’ll thank me for it.” Phil nodded obediently, reaching for the gelatin eggs and slipping them inside the toy with ease. The time it took to do this was enough for his body to recover, and by the time the toy was full of eggs - causing the already thick and bumpy column to grow even wider - he was already half hard again.

“Tech?” Phil asked, looking up at the camera. Technoblade nodded for him to go on, gesturing that he had his complete attention. “Could you get off with me?” He asked. “At the same time? I’d like to come with you.”

This time it was Technoblade’s turn to blush. Clearly he was used to being in charge and not having someone turn the tables and speak to him so bluntly.

It didn’t stop him from angling his camera down to capture his stomach and thighs, though. He peeled away his sweatpants slowly, and the already obvious erection sprung out to reveal the true size of his member.

For want of a better word, it was  _ magnificent.  _ It was difficult to tell over the camera, but he was above average in both length and girth and Phil’s mouth watered. The patch of pubic hair was trimmed neatly and his cock was circumcised. Phil found himself wondering if there were any other differences that the American had. 

“You don’t have to go  _ that  _ quiet.” Technoblade muttered, and without seeing his face Phil could tell that he was even more red than before. 

“You’re beautiful.” Phil assured him. “What I wouldn’t give to have that inside of me.”

Technoblade’s cock throbbed at that, and Phil marked that down for later. 

“When you’re ready to go, line the toy up with your ass.” Technoblade instructed, taking control of the situation once more, and Phil nodded. He assumed the previous position - feet on the desk, slouched in his chair - and brought the tip to his puckered hole. It felt much more intimidating having something  _ that big  _ pressing against him, especially when he’d only just used his fingers on himself for the first time, but Phil wasn’t the sort of man to back out. He glanced back up for a moment, watching Technoblade wrap a hand around his cock, and he smiled to himself. 

“Say my name?” Phil requested. “Tell me what you’d do to me again?”

“Well, right now, I’d push that toy into your tight little ass.” Technoblade said, starting to slowly move his hand. “So, don’t just sit there,  _ do it.”  _ He commanded, and the tone that Technoblade used sent a thrill through Phil’s body. He pushed in slowly, feeling the four pincer like nubs squeezing inside of him before the rest of the toy - the thicker shaft - began to press against him. No matter how much that was compressed by him it was going to stretch him. He made sure to move slowly, letting each individual bump push inside him one at a time. Phil could feel the pattern on the toy, he could feel it twisting inside of him, and then it became deep enough inside to press against his prostate.

“Fuck!” He yelled out, not giving a damn if anyone else heard him. “Fuck!”

“With pleasure.” Technoblade chuckled. “If that were me, I’d take you all in one go. You’re used to having things inside your ass now, sweetheart, and I wouldn’t be gentle with you. I’m the Blood God, after all.” 

Phil nodded, pushing the toy deeper still. By now he could feel the toy widened further as he began to reach the eggs inside and his free arm lifted to his face. He pressed his eyes shut and leaned against his forearm, taking in a slow, shaky breath as sweat formed on his forehead.

“I’d destroy you, Phil.” Technoblade said. “I’d fuck you from behind, I’d lift you up and thrust into you as deeply as I could.” Phil moaned, bottoming out on the toy and remaining still even as Technoblade continued to speak. “I’d wrap a hand around you, I’d grab your cock, and I’d stroke you as quickly as I wanted. I’d be the one to make all those noises fall from your lips, Phil.”

Another moan left him and he nodded, unable to say anything as he began to slowly move the toy inside of him. The ridges of the ovipositor were driving him insane, and after already cumming once it wasn’t going to take him long to find his peak a second time. Technoblade’s words weren’t making it any easier to hold himself back, either.

“I’d leave marks all over you. Your shoulders, your neck, your jaw: I’d want the world to know you belong to  _ me.  _ Isn’t that right, Phil? You’re  _ mine.”  _

“Yes--” He breathed, moving in the chair again so that instead of thrusting the toy into him it was placed beneath him and he could move his body up and down around it. Each motion of his hips was needier and faster than the last, and each time he tried to take the toy a little bit deeper. “I’m yours, Techno.  _ Yours.”  _

“Good.” Phil could hear a slight shake to Technoblade’s voice, before a grunt left his lips. “I’m going to prove that to you,  _ one day.”  _

“You’d better.” Phil said, though his voice was barely even loud enough for him to hear. He was getting close to the edge, but so far he’d only experienced half the joys the toy had to offer. Forcing himself to stop moving was difficult but the promise of more made it manageable, and when he eventually stilled himself he brought both hands in front of him and to the base of the toy. Opening his eyes, watching Technoblade thrusting his hips to meet the hand that pleasured him, he squeezed tightly. The toy being so soft came in handy again as the member that filled him began to fluctuate as eggs passed up through the ovipositor and into him.

“Fuck,  _ fuck! Techno, fuck!”  _ He yelled. His hands were trembling beneath him but he forced himself to squeeze a little tighter, his asshole stretching several times to accommodate the eggs as they filled him in waves. The time it took to fill himself completely was an awful lot shorter than it felt, and when he removed the toy so that only the eggs were inside of him he clenched his asshole as tightly as he could. The sensation was bizarre, it was something he couldn’t quite explain. They moved independently of him, brushing against his prostate and keeping him feeling full as his hands reached to find his cock again.

“I want you to cum screaming my name.” Phil said bravely, watching as Technoblade’s hand movement became more erratic and less controlled: he was close.

“Phil--” He whispered, hips bucking upward.  _ “Ph-Phil,  _ I wish you were here, I wish I had you inside of me, I wish your cum was dripping down my legs. I wish  _ you  _ could put me in my place.”

Technoblade was a switch. Phil made sure to remember that too as he touched himself desperately. He wanted to catch up to Technoblade and cum at the same time as him, though that wasn’t going to take too much effort.

“Please--” He began. “Phil, I want to cum.”

“Say my name.” Phil reminded him breathlessly, and the two went quiet for a moment before moans and names started to fall uncontrollably from their lips.

“Phil--!”

“Techno--!”

In complete sync, despite being thousands of miles away from each other, the knots in their stomachs became too tight and snapped. Their orgasms hit them at the same time, and while Technoblade was lucid enough to shout out Phil’s name again and again, Phil sobbed. He’d already cum once - and not long ago - and with the addition of the gelatin eggs inside him he couldn’t help himself. His moans were loud and waton, his body felt like jelly as his cock throbbed and - for a second time - covered his stomach in another load of cum. Tears built up in the corner of his eyes at just how  _ good  _ it felt, despite how overwhelming it was, and he wept through his orgasm. 

When he finally reached the point where he was able to grab a hold of himself - when his cock had softened and his breathing had levelled out - he opened his eyes to look back at the screen and watched Technoblade as he cleaned up after himself. He didn’t want to move just yet, still overstimulated and  _ very  _ aware of the eggs that were still stimulating his prostate. 

“You alright?” Came a voice from the other side of the world, and Phil nodded slowly. 

“Yeah.” He said, his voice cracking a little. He didn’t realise he’d been  _ that  _ loud.

“If I were there, I’d probably be a little more helpful.” Technoblade admitted. “I’m not sure how I’m really supposed to do aftercare when I can’t actually  _ care  _ for you. Do you have water? A snack?” 

“I can get em.” He muttered, his hands coming to rub at his face. “I’m gonna need to shower before bed.”

“Good idea. It’s late for you, isn’t it?”

“S’evening, earlier than I normally go to sleep but I think I can make an exception tonight.”

“Okay.” Technoblade said, nodding, before eventually clearing his throat. “Would you… I mean… Should we…”

“Talk about this?” Phil asked, and Technoblade nodded again. “Probably. But not right now. Tomorrow?”

“I can do tomorrow.” He replied. “Take care of yourself, Phil.”

“You too, Tech. And, thank you.”

“No problem.” Technoblade chuckled. “I’m not sure I’d do that for anyone, but I’d do it for you.”

If Phil hadn’t been quite so tired, the call might have been awkward to end, but he was too exhausted to really care about how many boundaries they’d crossed in that one night. After he’d disconnected he got to his feet, and he heard the unmistakable sound of something liquid leaving his body. Turning to look behind him, he saw the almost entirely melted gelatin eggs on his seat and winced a little. He should clean that up before looking after himself, otherwise he’d just go to bed and forget about it.

But not before he sent out a tweet that only he and one other person would  _ truly  _ understand.

@Ph1LzA: Eggs are yummy I don’t know what the fuss is about ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Author's Note:**

> don't send this to the cc's involved
> 
> hope you enjoyed. comments & kudos are appreciated


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